What I've been trying to say

For those of you who read this and haven't heard yet, this last trip to the Philippines was incredible and life-changing. I say life-changing because it really opened my eyes to the possibility of returning someday to work as a full-time missionary.

I've really had to work through some issues as I used to view missionary kids who return to the mission field in their adult years as weak or incapable of staying away. Those of us MKs who had a wonderful experience on the field often want to go back, and I thought those who did were doing so just because it was comfortable and familiar. Now that I am seriously considering a return, I'm having to rethink that and deal with some things within myself that aren't always pretty.

When I tell people that I want to go back most of them think, "Of course!" I know the people, understand the language and culture, and have a sincere love for them. It just makes sense. And yet, I don't want to take this too lightly. I know the challenges that returning MKs face are different than those faced by new missionaries with limited cross-cultural experience. For example, they often have to deal with over-sensitization while many of us MKs are desensitized.

During a meeting tonight, I was given a letter written by a missionary and what he wrote is exactly what I've been trying to say but haven't been able to clearly find the words for. Exodus 3 tells us of Moses and the burning bush. During this sacred encounter with God, he was given a commission to return to Egypt and rescue his people from oppression. "The fact that Moses was Jewish, a Levite, and a prince in Egypt counted nothing towards qualifying him as deliverer of a nation. However impressive the things he had were, he needed to be emptied of them in order to be qualified. It is a remarkable paradox, that in order to be sent of God, we have to be emptied first of our qualifications."

Just because I seem to have all the right qualifications, doesn't mean that my venture will be easy or even obvious. God must first strip me of them and work with an empty slate in order to commission me for any service He might have for me.