Patients Say the Darndest Things

The other day I had a very active patient who had just had major elective surgery. He was determined to get out under par, but one of the stipulations is all patients must have a BM before we let them leave as one of the side effects of pain meds and anesthesia is constipation. When I told him this he was in agreement but said it shouldn't be a problem because he's always "regular." When I took care of him the next day he was getting frustrated that he hadn't gone yet. The following is a sample of our conversation:

Patient: I can't understand why I haven't been able to go!
RN: Don't worry, that's normal. Patients normally don't go until their third day anyways. You should be able to go by tomorrow
Pt: But I go everyday without fail
RN: Yes, but your body just went through alot! You must be patient with it.
Pt: Is there anything I can take to make me go?
RN: You are already taking a stool softener. You can try prune juice or we can get an order for a suppository for you.
Pt: I hate prune juice. Does the suppository work?
RN: yes, but it's not pleasant.
Pt: I don't mind, just give it to me. I need to go so I can get out of here early!
RN: You do realize what a suppository is, right?
Pt: It's a pill.
RN: Well, it's kind of like a pill, but it will be put up your rectum.
Pt: (eyes get HUGE!) WHAT??? Nevermind, I'll wait until tomorrow.
RN: OK